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News about cringely
  • HP terminates, IBM spins down

    It is with great pride that I announce my candidacy for governor of California. Don't laugh -- I'm the perfect compromise candidate. I've got the brains of Arnold Schwarzenegger, the brawn of Gary Coleman and the moral fibre of Larry Flynt. Besides, I can field-strip a Winchester drive in 32 seconds. Can Arianna make that claim? I think not.

  • SCO strikes gold, Verizon just strikes

    I keep asking Pammy, What did I do to deserve this? First Amber ditches me for some half-pint Hapsburg. Then my PC gets infected with an email virus from my own sysadmin. Any day now the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) will slap a subpoena on me for downloading all those Captain & Tennille MP3s ( My only solace is going through my inbox and digging out these juicy tips.

  • Fretting and sweating

    Bad news on the consulting front: The CIO at my latest assignment keeps threatening to outsource the entire IT department to India. So I’m up to my elbows in work, trying to prove my worth. It’s not pretty.

  • Microsoft goes to the dogs

    Despite my new consulting gig, money’s still tight around Chez Cringe, so I’ve been training Apache to be a seeing-eye dog. I thought I’d rent him out to programmers who’ve gone blind trying to patch all the security holes in Windows Server 2003.

  • All are welcome in purgatory

    I should have seen it coming. Amber didn’t go to England for a promotion; she ran off with some third-rate member of British Royalty -- the Earl of Scheib, I think. Worse, she cleaned out all my bank accounts, including the numbered ones in the Caymans. Good thing I've got connections, such as the one who was able to set me up with an IT consulting gig. My plan is to look busy while doing as little work as possible and eavesdropping for gossip.