In Satya Nadella, Microsoft played it sensible. Here are the Ballmer successors we tech wags wanted to make our Redmond-flogging jobs a little easier
Stories by Robert X. Cringely
The Hulk, Professor X, Iron Man -- the superhero alter egos of today's top tech leaders revealed!
Which tech newsmakers have made the biggest splash so far this year, and which have gone splat?
A day after RIM debuted its latest entry in the it's-not-an-iPhone-but-an-amazing-facsimile contest, the <a href="http://www.infoworld.com/d/mobilize/rim-announces-blackberry-torch-9800-670">BlackBerry Torch 9800</a>, it got a kick in the keister from Saudi Arabia.
Tea leaves, goat entrails, and the many moods of Steve Jobs — these are portents people pore over for signs of the coming apocalypse. And so it goes with the sudden "shocking" announcement that a) Apple is divorcing the Macworld expo after 25 years of marriage, and b) Steve Jobs is not giving the keynote address this year.
The election madness finally ended last week. Me, I cast my ballot and set up a lawn chair outside the polling place to watch the fistfights. Whether you're Left, Right, or somewhere in the Muddle, it's worth voting early and often.
Between TechXNY and last month's Digital Life trade show, I feel like I've been living inside a suitcase. At least DL had a pulse, thanks largely to Google, which announced its new desktop search engine there. The show was sponsored by a gadget rag that's a cross between Maxim and IEEE Spectrum. More proof that babes and geeks don't mix (and I should know).
A reader concerned for my soul as well as my social life suggested I try out a new dating service where, for the price of a dinner, a "hot" gal named Tamara will convert me to the true and righteous path. Unfortunately, it turns out Tam is really a guy named Tony who uses the site to sell religious-themed stickers, T-shirts, and thongs. I may be desperate, but I have my limits.
I hate disappointing loyal readers, but there's little to report on the love front this week. Margot is still MIA, and as for my other hot prospects, we're still awaiting word from the parole board. I've just been sitting around at my computer, waiting for the electronic jihad to strike.
Life sucks when you're dating a Googillionaire. It turns out Margot, my gas-loving gal pal, not only works at the House of G but has enough options socked away to purchase a small European fiefdom. When the share price cracked $US100, she mysteriously stopped returning my IMs.
I finally met a great gal using an online matchmaker. Smart, cute, funny, a bit of a geek but with good teeth. We even set up a dinner date — for June 2011, when she's up for parole. Until then, I'll have to take comfort from the Cringe faithful, even when they write to tell me I'm wrong.
I admit it: The single life is getting to me. I finally broke down and signed up for an online dating service. It's one of those sites that runs criminal background checks and promises to feed you to the feds if you lie on your application. It's been a long time since I've been on the market, but isn't lying what dating's all about?
Rumours were swirling last week around the $US100 billion Google IPO. With that kind of cash, Google could pay off everyone upset by Gmail's snoopery, buy new Segways for its employees and have enough left to hire me as a consultant. They could call me Gman. I like the sound of that.
SAN FRANCISCO (03/08/2004) - Three billion dollars doesn't go as far as it used to. That's probably why The SCO Group Inc. bumped its claim against IBM Corp. from US$3 billion to $5 billion, adding copyright infringement to its list of grievances. Hey, inflation is a bitch. And so is Pammy, ever since I snuck onto her hard drive. At least she's not suing me ... yet.
SAN FRANCISCO (11/17/2003) - After nearly 20 years of gossip mongering, I'm finally getting noticed around InfoWorld. My editor said he laughed like hell when he read my last column. "The part where you asked for a raise -- that just killed me," he chortled as he slammed the door in my face.