Stories by Bob Lewis

Talking turkey

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Check your titles at the door. TRANSLATION: We want to find out who the troublemakers are.
Why do you have two ears but only one mouth? Not, as the cliche would have it, so you'll listen twice as much as you talk. It's so you can experience Beethoven's Ninth Symphony in stereo, of course.

Darwinian logic

ManagementSpeak: Our mission, vision and values guide our daily business activities.

The IT rust belt

"Mother, mother ocean / After all the years I've found / My occupational hazard being / My occupation's just not around."

IT battle plans

"I view really great strategies as a commodity, and implementations of really great strategies as rare objects."

Paying the rent

ManagementSpeak: It pays to be flexible in determining your needs.

How to avoid chaos

ManagementSpeak: We're going to guarantee delivery of a quality product.

Eliminate the customer

You'd think CRM vendors would get customer relationship management right, wouldn't you? Not always. Some practice CEM (customer elimination management), CRM's evil twin, instead, as when a sales representative from one well known CRM vendor refused to talk about the subject with an interested prospect.