Shark Tank: Human error

Clueless consultants? Bungling bosses? Useless users? Read about the trials and tribulations workers (pilot fish) have with their bosses (sharks).

          Company's new president, who has a heavy technical background, calls in IT director pilot fish and snarls, "Our @#$%! network is absolute junk!" What's wrong? asks shocked fish. Turns out the boss doesn't have the web access he requested weeks before. As he tries to log in to prove his point, fish asks, "Why are you spelling your name wrong at the log-in?"

          Pilot fish shows up for a meeting on improving communications, only to find the room empty. "Oh, the meeting has been cancelled because it's not needed," says departmental secretary. "This should have been communicated to you."

          After two weeks of troubleshooting network problems at a construction site, pilot fish's co-worker walks in with his arms full of Ethernet cable obviously stretched, with the insulation pulled apart in several places. "While the boss was out, a summer-help guy decided to pull it through the conduit as a favour," fish says. "When it was too hard to pull, he attached it to a tractor and pulled it through 500 feet of conduit."

          Helpdesk pilot fish is looking for what's taking up all the space on a user's Outlook account. "Check the properties of your folders and tell me which one takes up the most space," fish instructs user. "How can I tell?" user asks. "Look for the folder with the largest number," fish says. User persists: "How do I tell what the largest number is?"

          Some people can recognise when something comes broken right out of the box, sighs pilot fish who manages IT for lots of rural offices. One user notices her new mouse rattles when she shakes it. So she squirts some Crazy Glue into the hole on the bottom and fixes the rattle, once and for all.

          Rattle my, er, mouse: You score a sharp Shark shirt if your true tale of IT life sees print or if it shows up in the daily feed at

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