Shark Tank: Politically incorrect

Clueless consultants? Bungling bosses? Useless users? Read about the trials and tribulations workers (pilot fish) have with their bosses (sharks).

          IT manager at this electrical supply house bursts in on pilot fish and reams him out for visiting forbidden websites. Seems the word stripper triggered an alarm on the company's filtering software. Baffled fish who was researching wire-stripping tools stammers, "I was just looking at Ideal strippers." Boss thunders, "I don't care what your ideal stripper looks like, you're not visiting that site again!"

          This pilot fish's Sweden-based company likes using acronyms maybe a little too much. "This morning the entire company received an email from the new Release and Application Management/IT department," fish reports. "They signed off: 'Regards, RAM-IT.' "

          New computer room is state of the art, beautifully laid out and stuffed with useful tools for systems management. "But the feature we're all proudest of is the fact that the card-key reader to get in is located much lower on the wall than in the old room," says IT pilot fish who works there. "Nothing to do with accessibility requirements the sysadmins were around when the electricians were hooking it up, and we requested it that way. You just bang your butt up against it, with the access key still in your back pocket, and it clicks. A great time-saver."

          After spending "more time than I could afford" on marketing manager's computer problems, IT manager pilot fish is annoyed when, the next day, Mr Marketeer buttonholes him again. "Could you help me when you have a sec?" marketing manager asks. "Sorry," snaps fish, "you got all the secs from me you're going to get!"

          New-hire IT pilot fish spots her boss flirting with a pretty receptionist. "In an effort to get closer to her, he leans forward and knocks his coffee cup off the reception counter," she reports. "It dumps into her monitor with a nice crackling sound and lots of smoke." But the unrepentant boss isn't worried: "The beauty of being in the IS department is that no one will ever know I did it," he tells fish. "I'll just tell them the monitor blew."

          Spill some my way: sharky@computerworld.com. You get a snazzy Shark shirt if your true tale of IT life sees print or if it shows up in the daily feed at computerworld.com/sharky.

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