Shark Tank: Too sneaky

'My machine just doesn't look right,' user tells IT pilot fish. No wonder, says fish -- there's no driver for your video card. Why did you remove the program called 'Diamond Stealth III'? User replies, 'I didn't like the idea of something called ëStealth' on my PC.'

          "My machine just doesn't look right," user tells IT pilot fish. No wonder, says fish -- there's no driver for your video card. Why did you remove the program called "Diamond Stealth III"? User replies, "I didn't like the idea of something called ëStealth' on my PC."

          Hey, get a room!

          Furious boss tells IT pilot fish to find out what's wrong with office admin's computer. Office admin schedules all conference rooms, but she isn't receiving boss's emailed requests, so his meetings don't get a room. Fish spots the problem when he's forwarded copies of boss's messages. "Turns out he doesn't know how to use the address book, so he's hand-typing her email address every time," says fish. "And misspelling it."

          Take five

          Reports at this manufacturing plant are printed each night on an old ribbon printer. But why are you requesting five-part forms? pilot fish at headquarters asks user. You probably can't even print through that many sheets of paper. "Well, the ribbon broke a while back," says user. "And it really isn't a bother to peel off and discard the top copy."

          Priorities

          There's a malfunction at this highly computerised lumber mill, damaging both the automation controls and the system that tracks downtime. "When I started to repair the automation system so the machine would restart, I was reprimanded," says IT pilot fish. "Management preferred to have me fix the downtime tracking system first." Result: Mill now has highly accurate records of the worst downtime in the company.

          Oh, THAT!

          "If I have email, no one's told me about it," automobile dealership sales manager grumbles to his boss. You spent hours learning it yesterday, pilot fish boss reminds him. "That was email?" says sales manager. "How am I supposed to remember all that? What does that have to do with selling cars, anyway? Nobody uses that."

          Knucklehead!

          Programmer pilot fish has just finished automating a key monthly financial report -- now it's produced in hours, not weeks. Next, his junior-VP boss asks him to change the job titles in the report from senior and junior VP to executive VP and VP. "What kind of knucklehead requested such a meaningless change when so many important processes need to be revised?" grumps fish. I did, replies boss. Says fish, "That was the last time I was called to discuss proposed changes in person."

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