Shark Tank: Top secret

Company commissions an IT security audit and gets back a list of vulnerabilities from the outside security outfit. 'It was a virtual road map for anyone wanting to crack our systems,' says pilot fish.

          Another mystery solved

          Salesman complains that his laptop's 10GB hard drive has mysteriously filled up. IT VP pilot fish has it checked out. Yep, it's full -- of dirty pictures, including a few of the salesman in the shower. Salesman protests his innocence, but it turns out copies of the pictures are also on the shared network drive. "I asked him how many people in the company had pictures of him in the shower," says fish. "Now we have an opening for a salesman."

          Care to try again?

          Boss installs new software to test on his PC, and up pops a warning about conflicts with previously installed software. Continue? Yes, types boss -- and when the machine won't reboot, he calls in pilot fish.

          "It required a full reimage of his machine, and it takes two weeks before all software is installed and everything is back to normal," fish says.

          Boss's next step? He has his assistant install the same software for testing. "You guessed it," says fish. "Two weeks later, all is back to normal after reimage of employee's desktop."

          Where It's handy

          Boss's buddy has a hard disk that has problems booting, so he tells support pilot fish to fix it, then put a disk repair utility on the hard drive. "I try to point out a better way," says fish, "but the boss -- who isn't keen on listening to staff when he knows better -- barks at me to just do it his way." Two weeks later, the problem is back. And the disk utility? "I wanted to put it on a bootable floppy disk," fish sighs. "Instead, it's right where the boss wanted it: on the hard disk that can't boot."

          Which part of 'no' isn't clear?

          PC tech pilot fish is asked by his boss to evaluate the IT systems of a company that fish's organisation wants to acquire. But, fish protests, it's an old IBM 390 mainframe with terminals, and all I know is PCs. Clueless boss insists, and it's the last straw for fish -- after months of dumb ideas, he gives his notice. Boss's response? "He wants to know if I can squeeze in a trip before I leave," says fish, "to look at an old IBM 390 mainframe."

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