I’ve been so busy wrestling worms lately I almost missed the news about Billy Gates’ honorary knighthood. His first order of business was to offer 250,000 gold sovereigns to the first brave soul to slay the Mydoom dragon. I understand Sir Bill then mounted his mighty steed Clippy and galloped off to a jousting tournament with Lord Lawrence of Oracle. What I want to know is, where’s my honorary title? I think I’m overdue, don’t you?
Move over, Mars Rover
If anyone’s wondering why Hewlett-Packard got dropped from Fortune’s 100 Best Companies to Work For, here’s one clue. An HP insider shared a memo from the company’s HR portal that stated "HP would only provide salary increases to employees on an exception basis". In other words, don’t bother spending that raise; it ain’t coming.
Meanwhile, the president of the US recently appointed HP CEO Carly F to a commission advising him on travel in outer space. The timing couldn’t be better; I understand HP employees are taking up a collection to send her there.
Dell gets docked
My sources say Dell notebook users are pulling their hair out trying to get their peripherals to work with the company’s D/Port APR docking stations. When customers call Dell support, they’re fed the standard four Rs: reinstall, reboot, reformat, repeat -- and when that fails, blame a third-party vendor. Ticked off users have a couple of different Rs in mind: refund and recall.
All mucked up
The people at IBM who code-named their latest WebSphere project Cayuga apparently didn’t know it comes from an old Native American word for "crooked". That’s what Cringe reader Walt H says, anyway. The only definition I found for Cayuga is "people of the mucky land", which seems even more appropriate.
Bad columnist, no doughnut
My item about the Sun Java Desktop System disk allowing users to bypass Windows’ gossamer-thin security was old news to readers who’ve been using Linux disks to access NTFS (NT File System)-based PCs for years. The Knoppix (knoppix.org) distribution is particularly popular among the Cringe contingent. Oh, well. At this rate I’ll never get that knighthood.
Got hot tips or new honorifics for Bill G? Send them to firstname.lastname@example.org.