All week I've been battling a sense of loss, like there's something big missing in my life (and not just romance). Then it hit me: I've got a hole the size of Comdex in my heart. I miss the neon, the hubbub, the brain-dead marketers and booth bimbettes, desert air so dry it turned my tongue to matzo, and gaggles of geeks in every direction. I tried to recreate the essential Vegas experience by seeking out insanely long cab lines and asking friends to blow smoke in my face while thrusting adult literature at me, but it just wasn't the same.
I thought by now the PeopleSoft–Oracle saga would be over and I could get back to watching Desperate Housewives. No such luck. As I write this, nearly two-thirds of PeopleSoft shareholders are willing to take Oracle's US$24 offer. The rest, it seems, would rather bid on that cheese sandwich portrait of the Virgin Mary on eBay. (FYI, the winning bid was US$28,000 — plus $9.95 shipping — or nearly 1,200 shares of PeopleSoft stock.)
Japanese researchers have uncovered another nasty side effect from logging too much time in front of a computer screen: early blindness. And if you don't stop visiting naked-girls-with-goiters.com, you'll go blind twice as fast.
Don't bank on it
When Cringester John P received a credit card offer from Bank of America, the email listed the last four digits on his old card. Unfortunately, it also displayed the first 12. Bank spokesfolk declined to say how many CC numbers got spewed into cyberspace, but they are "unaware of any unauthorised activity" due to the snafu and will cover any losses that might result.
Cockney doodle do
Thanks to the Cringe crew for the many (largely unprintable) submissions of Cockney slang. My favorite was Bart C's "down to the septic to sausage a Gregory," which translates into "down to the bank (septic tank) to cash (sausage and mash) a cheque (Gregory Peck)." Other readers recalled visiting the United Kingdom and being alarmed when their hosts offered to "knock them up in the morning". Hey, that's what you get for ordering bangers for breakfast.
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