Online outrage

A Spaniard has violated British territory online, producing a virtual Rock of Gibraltar with the Spanish Flag on top

Online outrage

A Spaniard has violated British territory online, producing a virtual Rock of Gibraltar with, wait for it, the Spanish Flag on top. UK tech site The Register is calling on patriotic Brits to retaliate.

“True patriots prepare to choke on your beef and oyster pie of olde England because, by the Lord Harry and Saint George, the Spanish flag today flies over the sacred Rock of Gibraltar”.

The “outrage” was the work of “alvarITO”, and created with the help of Google’s 3D Warehouse utility.

“The Spaniards’ tenure of Gib will, mercifully, be short,” The Register says. “As we speak, HMS Eurosceptic is preparing a retaliatory bombardment of the popular costal resort of Torremolinos while three Vulcan bombers have just left Ascension Island on a mission to rain terrible airborne vengeance on the Googleplex.

“There are also unconfirmed reports that a crack team of SAS 3D modellers will this afternoon plant a gigantic Union Jack on the island of Perejil, claiming it for Her Imperial Majestyness Liz II, gawd bless yer ma’am.”

Like a Rolling Stone

Former Rolling Stone (or is it once a Stone always a Stone) Bill Wyman is promoting his very own metal detector. Explaining that the hobby of metal detecting is not just for anoraks and eccentrics, Wyman says it’s a way for people to discover history.

The Bill Wyman Signature Detector is described as a “lightweight and adjustable implement and comes with a free informational DVD”.

Wyman tells how his interest came about and how it became a family affair: “I have always been interested in archaeology and early cultures and when I bought a manor house in Suffolk in 1968, I kept finding fragments in the grounds which inspired my interest even more.

“In the early 1990s I brought my first C.Scope metal detector and this helped me uncover the site of a Roman homestead. I’ve been a serious detecting enthusiast ever since and was delighted when my daughter Katie showed an interest in the hobby.”

He’s even written a book on the subject, Bill Wyman’s Treasure Islands. Read more at

billwymandetector.com.

Meanwhile, in the aptly-named Low Countries …

Who would have thought it necessary? An escort agency in Holland is launching a virgin service for IT geeks. Founder Zoe Vialet, reported on Ananova.com, she found there has been a lot of demand from virgins, most of whom work in the IT sector.

“They are very sweet but are afraid of seeking contact with other people. They mean it very well but are very scared.

“Every booking lasts three hours minimum. Longer is possible, shorter not. We take the time to take a bath together, do a massage and explore each others body.” Golly.

Zoe and her colleague Marieke have specially trained five girls to look after the needs of virgins, reports Dutch paper De Telegraaf.

She added: “You better practice before having a girlfriend. Woman expect men older than 30 having had some experience.

“Some men need a little bit of help. But it makes them happy and they are glowing. There is nothing more terrible than dying as a virgin.”

A marketer’s dream

You could almost hear them rubbing their hands together at Wyse last week when the thin client company picked up a deal with weight loss giant Jenny Craig. “Wyse Technology Selected by Jenny Craig, the World’s Leading Weight Management Company, to Go ‘Thin’,” the headline screamed. And so no doubt did the PRs. Of course Wyse has also been styling itself as a “desktop virtualisation” company of late. But in the world of marketing, gentle reader, you are what you say you are.

Too good, too trusting

Normally, one doesn’t feel too sorry for those taken by the 419ers — Nigerian internet scam artists. But online news site The Register recently reported the sad tale of a too-trusting English vicar who coughed up all his savings, then topped this up with credit card and bank loans — total £12,000 (NZ$32,600). The scammer promised to set up a “multi-faith church and soup kitchen” in Thanet, Kent, in the UK.

The shame is the Rev Robert Noonan’s undoing was his charity not greed.

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