Fry Up: Laptops fail bucket test

So you want to build a telco network

Bucket test

HP launched its new range of business laptops to a group of Auckland IT journos earlier this week. The top line model EliteBook 8560p (sales name, unsurprisingly, is Corporate Elite) meets the military standard MIL-STD 810G for drop, vibration, dust, humidity, altitude and high temperature. HP market development manager for business notebooks Simon Molloy says you can do practically anything with it but drop it in a bucket of water.

The HP media launch was on the same day Apple announced the iPad 2. Fry Up wants to drop its iPad in a bucket of water and get the new, improved model. There is pain in being an early adopter.

New Zealand among first countries outside US to get iPad 2

What is that loud clicking noise?

The sound of another New Zealand tech company being snapped up by a US investor.

NZ mobile specialist acquired

Musical interlude

Mash up with Beatles vs Joan Jett & The Blackhearts vs Cypress Hill vs House of Pain vs Rage Against The Machine

Fry Up guide to building a telco network

(in the spirit Vanity Fair’s guide to creating an Oscar winning movie)

So you want to build a telco network, first decide what flavour

  • Mobile
  • Fixed
  • Combo

Then decide what kind

  • International
  • National
  • Rural
  • Metro

Who will pay for it (at least two combinations of below funding options will be required)

  • Shareholders
  • Iwi
  • Taxpayers
  • Ratepayers
  • Electricity consumers
  • Rich American
  • Chinese technology company
  • Your savings account

You will need to get the government on side; the quickest way is to employ someone on your management team who is currently working for

  • Ministry of Economic Development

If they’re not available

  • The former CEO of an ISP (a CV with multiple ISPs is preferable, on account of the fact they will be familiar with the circus that is telco regulation)
  • A telco executive who has never been to New Zealand (a high profile overseas brand on a CV will open doors, initially)

And if they’re not available

Ernie Newman

It is not advisable, but it can be enormous fun, to annoy lobby groups, especially

  • Federated Farmers
  • TUANZ
  • InternetNZ

It is advisable to join a telco club, but make sure you sign up to the right one

Telecommunications Carriers Forum

Not

Telecommunications Industry Group

Branding is everything, so when you launch, do it in style to gain maximum editorial coverage. If you can’t afford a million-dollar light show, or the services of a comedian, then get tips on feeding IT journos story ideas from this guy

Rod Drury

All too hard? There is a bonus shortcut which allows you avoid the above steps

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