E-tales: Bureaucrats promote sex in the sun

The Home Office is urging youngsters to get their passport applications in quick or miss out on sexy fun with attractive foreigners

Dry, very dry

Vodafone customers will be delighted to know that the problems they experienced when the telco introduced its new billing system were all in a good cause. Vodafone Australia will roll out the same system next month and has warned there may be similar issues. However, it has indicated it is planning some sort of compensation for delays in connection. It helpfully informs its customers that the system has already had a “dry run” in New Zealand.

Giant of the software forest

US tech mag Network World recently ran a feature on “10 IT management software companies to watch”. The first one mentioned, Akorri Networks, caught E-tales’ eye. Akorri’s product collects data about how storage and server resources are being used, and analyses it to determine how well applications will perform under certain conditions. Interesting, but what intrigued us even more was Akorri’s name.

According to Network World, the name “derives from a colossal New Zealand tree, the Kauri, which is known for its size and strength”. Akorri’s founder, Richard Corley, has something of a penchant for arboreal company names — another of his ventures, Pirus Networks, got its title from the Latin name for the pear tree.

Customers count the cost

E-tales reckons Telecom has an interesting take on “mates rates” — as in its prepaid mobile plan of the name for low-usage customers. The Commerce Commission recently ran a ruler over New Zealand’s mobile charges and found that the plan costs double the average of similar plans in other OECD nations.

But “medium users”, on Telecom’s Flexi Anytime plan, do even worse — theirs is the most expensive plan of all — 30th out of 30. And Vodafone doesn’t score much better. Roll on carrier number three.

Size does matter

There’s a new danger out there in the online world for Kiwi chaps, and it threatens that most delicate organ — the male ego. New Zealand Herald columnist Chris Barton reports that his yearly spam analysis has turned up the fact that most of the spam currently clogging up Kiwi in-boxes promises to increase the collective size of nation’s penis. Barton’s spam analysis reveals that 21% of spam emails are devoted to tonker-size increasing ads.

Girls say, ‘Wii not’

It used to be that computer games were pretty much all-boy territory — lots of violence and chasing of things. But games are becoming much more girl-friendly. First there was SingStar, but girls are now going for the more active Wii games in a big way.

New Scientist magazine reports that, while only 20% of conventional gamers are female, 33% of Wii gamers are girls. But now, the physical game is causing physical injuries, too, with Wii elbow proving a particular problem. There’s even a website devoted to the problems of the over-enthusiast, called wiihaveaproblem.com.

Seniors say, ‘Wii not’ too

The UK’s tawdry but fun tabloid The Sun reports that seniors have taken up Wii gaming too, with as much gusto as they can manage. These pictures may be a bit strange, but E-tales is with other commentators on applauding the new seniors’ pastime — apparently, it beats gardening and bridge, and is better than physio for aches and pains. It’s fun, so people exercise.

Bureaucrats promote sex in the sun

It’s obviously still the silly season in the UK — when the nation goes on its summer hols and the media falls into a news black hole — but one fun story of sex and texting made us laugh. It seems the Home Office is urging youngsters to get their passport applications in quick or miss out on sexy fun with attractive foreigners. It’s using pictures of frolicks in the Mediterranean sun, overlaid with text messages such as: “Shame u didn’t get UR passport m8…”

Of course, the uptight Daily Mail has gone apoplectic, but that’s all part of the game and serves to stretch the Home Office’s marketing budget even further.

Eggtra blooper

Okay, we admit it: physics degrees are thin on the ground at E-tales. We’ve just been slapped on the wrist by “david consumer of math” for our recent E-tale about two mobiles being used to boil and egg in 65 minutes. Apparently, it’s a hoax.

The joewein anti-spam site tells us that the average mobile only generates enough to heat an egg to body temperature at best before the battery dies.

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