— Wail disconsolately! Gnash teeth! — By 2012, it'll be in the bag
So, you've been rickrolled... Now try some of this
This is quite upsetting — Ronald McD canes Doraemon!
Wail disconsolately! Gnash teeth! You thought you stood a chance, didn't you... lowly Open Sores scum. You and your puny document format. The impudence of it! Did you think anyone, the ISO, the world, the universe! would be able to resist? No... you were crushed by the might of the OOXML Six Thousand Page Specification. Crushed I tell you, crushed! Driven like weeping villagers ahead of Genghis Khan's Mongol armies! Like ants, you scurried away in vain from the sizzling rays of the OOXML magnifying glass. Your next Open Standards Battle will be an even more humiliating defeat! — ISO adopts OOXML format as international standard — Microsoft's ISO win may worsen antitrust woes — Wikipedia: Open Standard — Wayward Word Press: On reading the OOXML specification How do you read ooxml.docx without Office 2007?
By 2012, it'll be in the bag It only took a year of robust process and consultation holders of medium-rare steaks to finalise the operational separation of Telecom. This is record speed and means that the whole broadband debate will be history in five years' time. I know, I know... it was meant to be done, dusted and underway in 2003 already but don't be churlish. Another five years will see to it that the process becomes even more robust and sound while finalising societal interests and the rest of the world moves onto something else. The word "slow" takes on a new meaning when it comes to regulation, clearly. — Telecom separation finalised — Last-mile fibre monopoly mooted — Telecom hit by separation anxiety — Benefits of Telecom split may be slow to realise
XKCD Convincing pickup line
Robert X Cringely
A Fool's Paradise
Well, that didn't take long.
My career at Microsoft lasted exactly two hours and 42 minutes.
I didn't mind the blood tests, urine samples, health exams, brain scans, IQ measurements, prostrate pokes, polygraphs, body cavity searches, or even the Vista Loyalty Oath they made me sign. But when they wanted to plant a chip inside my brain that would deliver an electronic pulse whenever I used a non-Microsoft operating system, I realised I was really just an ink- and html-stained wretch at heart.
More than anything, though, it was the massive outpouring of support from Cringesters that brought me back from the dark side. After I announced my retirement I received literally
hundreds scores dozens several more than two emails begging me to stay on. That was enough for me.
So I talked to my perspicacious yet prickly editor, and we agreed on a new compensation plan. (Though not before he redesigned my blog and pulled all the comments in a fit of pique. They're back now.) I'll get a bonus every time I can persuade a Cringester to sign up for one of IFW's many fascinating webinars, listen to a podcast, take the News Quiz, or put up with those annoying page-peeling web ads. (So get busy, people.) Also, all the dog food Apache or I can eat, in perpetuity. It seemed like a reasonable compromise.
Oh yeah: Happy April Fools Day, plus one.
I must say Infoworld really went all out for AFD. You'd think these people didn't have enough regular work. I particularly liked Google's buying the United States government (though only for US$4 billion, or about what falls out of Sergey's pockets when he does laundry). And, of course, the slime mold in the image of Steve Jobs.
Then again, April Fools Day is the unofficial Net holiday. Even the normally stodgy-as-your-dead-uncle PC World got into the act with its SaveDOS special feature (hmm, I wonder where they got that idea).
Google did its annual joke, announcing Virgle, the joint plan between Virgin Enterprises and Google to establish a human settlement on Mars. There was a time they could actually fool people with this stuff. Still, you have to admire the lengths Google will go to for a joke. There were videos from Larry, Sergey, and Richard Branson; a lengthy application questionnaire; and reams of FAQs, press releases, and other assorted doctoids. Google's marcom geeks must be like Santa's elves, toiling all year for the big day.
NASA posted a photo of "Dextre the Magnificent," its new Space Station robot that has apparently has developed an ego to match the size of its articulating arms. CNET posted a pretty convincing report claiming that Mark Zuckerberg will be hosting Saturday Night Live (suckering several blogs into carrying it as straight news). Meanwhile, The Register (where every day is April Fools) is carrying stories on Jimmy Wales' resignation from Wikipedia, Comcast buying BitTorrent, and Bill Gates as the illegimate mad scientist father of Mark Zuckerberg. That last one I almost believe.
As the leader of the free world once said, "Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me ... you can't get fooled again."