Fry Up: How ICT can grow NZ Inc

UPDATE: YouTube video take 2

10.40am Panel Discussion: How ICT can grow NZ Inc

Chair: And now we come to the centrepiece of today’s event, a panel discussion entitled ‘How ICT can grow NZ Inc’. It’s a very cool panel as befits our very cool sector, and it is my very great pleasure to introduce the very honourable minister for doing business.

Minister for doing business: Thank you chair, and thank you audience. In my long career of stitching up international trade deals it has been rare that I’ve had to speak to actual New Zealanders. But the minister for everything phoned me in cuddle class and said it was my turn to speak at an ICT event. Naturally I argued, claiming that I was allergic to the sweaty t-shirt brigade but then he explained you’re not the group that wants to protect the internet, you’re the group that wants to exploit it.

Hear, hear.

New Zealand is at a crossroads; growing grass is not going to pay all the bills. And so I look to this sector to improve GDP. According to a report handed to me five minutes ago this industry makes around $5 billion a year. Hooray. Of course it’s nowhere near what milk powder is earning, but it’s a start.

My cabinet colleagues want to help you out; we’ve established a Ministry for Good Ideas and given it a pot of money to dish out to promising tech start-ups. 'Not enough?' I hear you cry. The New Zealand government isn’t a cash machine, but thankfully the Chinese government is. They’ve got the biggest money pot of any country in the world, and they like us, they really like us. So please, I beg you, be nice to them and they'll shovel some money down under.

Chair: Thank you minister. What an inspiring message. If NZ Inc was a company, you’d be chief marketing officer and get a bonus every year, you’re so good at selling us out to the world.

You mentioned the newly established Ministry for Good Ideas, and I am thrilled to be able introduce its new CEO.

Ministry for Good Ideas CEO: Hello. I am humbled to follow the minister of doing business. In my long career as a civil servant it has always been my view that actions speak louder than words. And so it is that I stand before you today with fistfuls of dollars. On the count of three I will throw money into the room, if you are involved in a clever IT start up then please step forward...

A dollar scramble takes place, CEO leaves the stage.

Chair: Goodness what marvellous generosity. I think that deserves a round of applause.

Finally on today’s panel we will be hearing from Mungo Highwater, founder of an awesome start-up that we’ve been hearing about in the newspapers, online blogs, radio shows and numerous events just like this one for many years.

Mungo Highwater: Hi folks, I wanted to use the opportunity of today’s event to highlight the kind of exciting weightless economy stuff we can do once we get better international connectivity. Highwater is a system that completely has revolutionised the way business is doing business. When I go to the US they can’t believe it. They say “why have we never heard of you”, to which I always reply, “beats me, but give me a couple of hours of your time...............................”

Chair: Thanks Mungo for that exciting presentation, I’d ask for questions but lunch was served an hour ago. See you back here again, maybe.

Government is not an ATM for tech companies: Groser


Cuddling a giant tortoise

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