Every day at 5am, while the hippies and the workers sleep, the high ranking members of a Certain Party gather for a kitchen cabinet (KC) to discuss election strategy.
So top secret are these sessions that each member has foregone his official title and instead adopted a KC code name. There is Head of Campaign, Head of Bank Accounts, Head of “WTF are we going to do about” Christchurch (via audio conference) and Head of Heads. They are joined by an independent pollster.
Fry Up has obtained the minutes of today’s session.
Head of Campaign – Morning cobbers, it’s a bonzer day out. How the hell are ya?
Head of Heads – Box of birds. Really feel that the hi-tech industry association idea went down a treat yesterday. Promised we’d create 700 jobs, with sites in Auckland, Christchurch and Wellington. Spread the love, that’s what I say.
Head of Campaign – What’s the yabber with the polls?
Head of Bank Accounts – How exactly are we funding this new hi-tech industry centre? I note your press release mentions $150 million over five years. Where am I supposed to find that?
Head of Heads - A combination of existing funding and overseas investment, mostly the Chinese because they’re the only solvent people in the world. It was HoC’s idea.
Head of Campaign – Good onya boss. She’s as ugly as a box of blowflies is the economy.
Head of Bank Account – Why are you talking like an Australian? Are we being colonised?
Head of Campaign – Strewth no. Picked up the new iPhone and its voice assistant Siri only understands Aussie, US and UK accents, so I’ve adopted Ocker. The device is here in a couple of weeks but I thought I’d get a jump on the sweaty T-shirt brigade and be first. They’re always whining about my lack of tech knowledge - so I don’t tweet, so what.
Head of Bank Account – Would it not have been better to adopt an American accent? The tech companies are opening offices in Silicon Valley so they can appeal to US investors. Many of which are supported by taxpayer money before they’re sold off, I might add.
Head of “WTF are we going to do about” Christchurch – We could do with some of that money down here. Also, what about breakfast, it’s not fair to have these meetings so early, its OK for you but I have to wait until they are over to get something to eat.
Head of Heads – Gentlemen, You’ve gotta spend it to get it and I should know – I’m a millionaire.
Head of Campaign – So am I. And by the way Christchurch, you do know that ‘kitchen cabinet’ is just an expression. We’re not actually in a kitchen eating food. Anyway, back to business - what are the polls saying about a new hi-tech industry association?
Independent pollster – 45 percent agree it is a good idea, 6 percent disagree, and 5 percent don’t know what a hi-tech industry is. Of those that agree it is a good idea, we asked if housing a hi-tech industry association HQ inside a shipping container like the shops in the new Christchurch CBD is a good idea – 95 percent agree it is and the 5 percent don’t, although it should be noted that those who disagreed all live in Tauranga.
“Why can’t music lovers just pay for music rather than steal it,” asks rock veteran Pete Townshend during the first John Peel Lecture.
Two things surprise by this statement – that Townshend is still alive and that he is complaining publicly about illegal downloading.
In the recent speech he called iTunes a “digital vampire” and said it should provide services to artists that record labels and music publishers used to provide. Blogger and friend of Fry Up dubdotdash writes: “It seems odd that he expects a music retailer to act like a record company. You wouldn't expect brick and mortar music stores to do that.”
Dubdotdash also notes that news of Townshend’s speech comes during the same week as it was announced the first infringement notices under the new Copyright (Infringing File-Sharing) Act were sent out by RIANZ (Recording Industry Association of NZ). It appears that downloading overseas artists is the chief offence.
Which is a bit unnecessary. If you want good music, you’ve always been able to find it here in Nu Zilland, as Vodafone NZ Music Awards proved last night.
Here is some kiwi vintage from the Hallelujah Picassos (reissued this week).