At 5am, while the hippies and the strikers slept, the high ranking members of a Certain Political Party gathered for a Kitchen Cabinet (KC) to discuss strategy.
The meeting was so secret that those who attended adopted a KC code name. The following transcript has just been found, inside a brown paper bag, on the steps outside Fry Up's offices.
Head of “WTF Are We Going To Do About Christchurch?” – Didn't we win? Why do we need a KC today?
Head of Campaign – We’re always campaigning and these are strange times. Lines are forming all over the country, even in Timaru. It could be revolution in the streets.
Head of Heads – Oh, don’t worry about that, they’re queueing for a new iPad, I asked my mate Peter Jackson to arrange for one of his contractors to get me one this morning, I think they're queueing now. I love the fact that when those devices are in sleep mode you can see your reflection in the glass.
Head of Campaign – Even if there is a revolt, we’ve got the legislation to lock 'em up with the passing of the Search and Surveillance Bill. The opposition is calling it a police state. Well, duh. Also on the good news front, you will have seen that the Facebook guy is investing in New Zealand.
Head of “WTF Are We Going To Do About Christchurch?” – Mark Zuckerberg?
Head of Bank Account – No, some other person that the sweaty T-shirts go ga ga over. He’s put up $15 million for a venture capitalist fund. But there’s another crowd called NZVIF, who are contributing $20 million – why aren’t they being promoted?
Head of Campaign – That’s taxpayer money, best to keep that contribution on the ‘down-low’, as we say on Twitter.
Head of Bank Account – You’re a real cheerleader for foreign business owners, but not so much for the businesses here, didn't you call one entrepreneur’s ideas “simplistic” recently?
Head of Campaign – Oh, that’s all forgotten, I sent out a very nice press release praising that company this week, it won an award. Don’t ask me which one, there are so many.
Head of Heads – Tell me about it, they’ll be having an award for best lobbyist next. By the way, who do you think would get that?
Head of Bank Accounts – Pay TV, it hasn’t gone unnoticed that we are busy combining all these government departments, but Broadcasting and ICT remain resolutely separate.
Head of Campaign – (Sighs) We have been here before. If we don’t protect the incomes of top sportspeople who perform for these channels then we won’t get the photo opportunities. Tell us again Independent Pollster - what percentage does a well-timed photo opp with a sporting hero gain us in the political polls?
Independent Pollster – Netball captain 2 percent, League player 5 percent, rugby captain 10 percent and rugby legend 25 percent.
Queuing in Timaru
PC World contributor and Software developer James Sugrue was determined to be the first in Timaru to get a new iPad, queuing up a his local Noel Leeming store in the early hours of the morning. He posted the photo below on Twitter.
His queue for the new iPad was one of a few around the country today.