Tales from the world of ICT

Crossed wires User calls pilot fish and complains, "My PC won't work for any network applications." What happens when you try? fish asks. "Nothing!" user says. "I just get something like a 'Network not found' error." Is this affecting anyone else over there? fish asks. "Nope, just me," replies user. Can you try a couple of things for me? "No, not really. I'm not at my PC and calling from another desk." Why? "I just changed cubicles and my phone doesn't work yet." So fish makes the trek to the user's cube. After a quick inspection of the PC and its connections, he turns to the user. Who reconnected your PC? he asks. "I did," says user. Um, the cable from the PC is connected to the phone jack, and the phone line is connected to the LAN jack.

How to get promoted IT pilot fish is getting a new manager every year — and the pattern of how it happens is pretty obvious.

"A new manager would task the department to find and implement cost-cutting measures," says fish. "The manager would then show his cost savings to upper management and would be promoted.

"When we were on our fourth manager, I submitted a detailed finding suggesting that we turn on the 'power save' option for all laser printers throughout the building. We had over 100 at the time, and I had detailed information from our power provider showing how we would save thousands of dollars just by enabling the power-save option."

Manager leaps on the idea immediately and has fish and his cohorts go around to every printer to set the power-save option on.

Sure enough, the manager is promoted within the year.

The fifth manager arrives and, true to form, asks for cost-cutting measures.

This time, fish submits a detailed report showing that too many people are wasting time waiting for laser printers to warm up after going to power-saving mode. Fish's recommendation: Improve efficiency and reduce costs by turning off the power-save feature.

"The idea was accepted and my now angry peers and I went to each and every printer and disabled power saving," fish says.

"When the sixth manager came on and asked for ideas, my peers threatened me so I had to put away my next idea, which was to set the dots-per-inch settings on all printers to 300 DPI to save ink — though that would have been changed the next year due to the claim that paper was being thrown out due to readability issues..."

Power failure

User leaved a voice mail with pilot fish: "My computer just went dead and it won't turn on please help me when you get a chance." Fish recalls: "I grabbed a spare power supply and went down to the users office. When I get there, what do I see? The user is sitting in the dark, no lights, monitors are off, computer is off. The user's office had lost power. No power means no computer, yet the user cannot make this simple correlation."

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